He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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