his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
