It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
sex in a hospital.. check
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
