So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
