You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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