how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
