I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
