so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
