Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
