@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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