I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
