the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
