my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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