I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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