so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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