i think i have two assholes
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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