Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
