I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
