Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I FOUND THE LEGS
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
