So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
