we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
