If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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