he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
