i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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