Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
