Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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