I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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