All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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