Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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