And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
