i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
