why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
