he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
