what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
