P.S. I can't hear my feet
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
