All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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