rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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