Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
