And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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