roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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