I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
