Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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