in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
