i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
