so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
