i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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