I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
