Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
