lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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