We're like a lot better than the average bears
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
