grandma shit on top of the toilet
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
