I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
