i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
