and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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