ya dads aren't the best wingmen
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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