i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
