separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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