please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
