I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
