I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
