TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
