A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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