and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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